#628023 - 01/10/08 01:15 AM
Do you think social phobia is cureable?
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giveme
Newbie
Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 27
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I have discussed this with a few people and most of them seem convinced it's just a psychological problem that could be treated through therapy step by step. I really doubt this but was wondering how others in my position thought about this idea?
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#628052 - 01/10/08 03:56 AM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: giveme]
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genethebean1
GRAND Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 2786
Loc: Winter Wonderland
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Well, as someone who really suffers from this problem, I don't know that it can be cured but I believe it can be managed. Therapy definitely helped me but not very much.
I believe social phobia is similar to a lot of other disorders in that it is a collection of symptoms; there isn't one direct cause. So, for some people, a combo of meds and say, cognitive behavioral therapy, will help them to a point where they can function fairly well out in the world but for others, it is only mildly successful.
Ever since I quit working outside the home in the mid 90's, I have become more and more isolated (for various reasons). It has gotten to the point where just the thought of having to go to the grocery store can cause me to feel extremely anxious which in turn triggers depression. I tend to beat myself up over it - like it's stupid that I feel this way. The fear of being "rejected" is so great that I don't want to take the chance of putting myself into a group situation.
Funny as it may seem, I even have this problem when I join online groups (like DB). I am constantly second guessing myself about things I post. If I don't get a lot of responses to my posts or if people who were being friendly don't respond to me fairly soon after I post, then I worry that I have said something stupid or offended them somehow. Often, I just feel like it's because there is nothing to like about me.
I do try to use techniques I have learned to keep from thinking/feeling this way but if I'm not feeling well or I'm already a bit depressed, then it's really hard to pull myself out of the negative thinking.
I hate being this way. It has caused me to lose out on a lot of years of my life. Sometimes, I feel I'm just destined to not have a social life and to always feel alone.
Here's an example. I joined a craft guild where I used to live. I forced myself to go to a meeting and it was OK. Since I had just moved to that state from WA, a member came up to me afterward and welcomed me. She had recently moved there, too, from OR. I started talking with her at the next meeting and while we were talking, this lady comes up and just butts in because she needed to talk with Beth about something. She didn't even acknowledge me or say "excuse me" and to make matters worse, Beth just turned away and started talking to her. I stood there awkwardly for a minute and then I just walked away. I was never able to connect with Beth again. I attended classes the group offered, even went to a four day retreat. People talked to me while I was there but when I went to the next regular meeting, not one person from the retreat even said "Hi" to me. I tried to get the attention of the lady I shared a cabin with and I felt like even she ignored me. Overall, I attended meetings for two years without making even on friend. Finally, I just stopped going.
Now, if I were an outsider reading what I just wrote, I would think "wow, that is victim thinking if ever I heard it" and I know that it probably is. But for the life of me I don't know what it is about me that causes people to not even want to try to get to know me. I am kind of shy and because of past experience, I tend to wait for people to approach me. I do try and start conversations with people but it seems like as soon as someone else comes up to talk to them, it's like I wasn't even talking. I feel like I'm invisible.
I'm always trying to figure out how some people just seem to be readily accepted into a group and become a vital part of it adn others, like me, always seem to be on the fringes.
Sorry to ramble on but yesterday was one of those days where I was feeling really alone and sad about it. Being able to talk about it here kind of helps.
Do you have problems with social phobia, giveme?
_________________________
CHANGE IS COMING IN 14 DAYS! YIPPEE!!
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#628666 - 01/10/08 09:29 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: genethebean1]
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slepinosa65
Veteran
Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 504
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I'm like that too to some extent, and sometimes I feel I'm getting worse with age. But the strange thing about it is that it is (I think) real, meaning that people really do purposely evade, as opposed it just being in my head.
I always thought social phobia was that that the person only felt rejected irrationally, but you seem to be saying social phobia can be from people not wishing to be around you. Though I think there is a causal relationship to thinking people don't like you, and people really not liking you.
Anyway, just saying I can relate, but I've never taken meds or sought therapy for it, because its not as if it is all in my head. Most people would not think of me as shy, but I really am, it all depends on the situation.
what kind of techniques are you supposed to use.
Edited by slepinosa65 (01/10/08 09:32 PM)
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#629156 - 01/11/08 04:59 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: genethebean1]
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giveme
Newbie
Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 27
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Yes, I suffer from it severly. But I take benzos for it now. Works wonders 
I don't know how such therapy programs would work but apparently they exist.
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#629162 - 01/11/08 05:08 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: giveme]
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watcher12
Threadhead
Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 823
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Note I didn't read anything but first post...in a hurry!! LOL
I have a very close friend whose uncle has this. He is now in his late 50's and on all kinds of meds. HIs relative takes him grocery shopping at 4am, he works in a private back room as an accountant and you need a special password to even ring his phone. He cannot even stand to talk to strangers on the telephone. Only immidiate family members have access to calling him.
So I think it all depends on the sevarity of it. Some people have less limitations, and only certain social enviroments affect them...some cannot go anywhere there will be people they do not know. So I think it is extremly individual.
Just my 2 cents!!
Have a nice evening ALL!
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#629556 - 01/12/08 11:32 AM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: PinkDiva]
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fibromyaljya
Kindly invited not to visit our site anymore
Stranger
Registered: 01/07/08
Posts: 18
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its all about how u were socialized as a small child. any social anxiety is the fault of ur parents. u cant change that tho, so if u are shy and dont want to be like me and get nervous in social situations for no reason then ya opiates and benzos help
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#629607 - 01/12/08 12:05 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: Jamo]
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fibromyaljya
Kindly invited not to visit our site anymore
Stranger
Registered: 01/07/08
Posts: 18
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Fibro can i just ask you how old you are?
19, male
Admin comments: which it the honest answer is any? The one you provided when you registered or this one?
Edited by Administrator (01/13/08 08:28 AM)
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#629676 - 01/12/08 02:11 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: fibromyaljya]
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Stargirl
Newbie
Registered: 01/08/08
Posts: 45
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I also have this problem and have always been very shy. I think having the right therapist can help, but the wrong one can make things much worse. In my opinion it can get better, but never be totally cured. That's just my opinion.
_________________________
Stargirl
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#629798 - 01/12/08 05:30 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: giveme]
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greyman
Enthusiast
Registered: 01/14/07
Posts: 254
Loc: suicide
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I have discussed this with a few people and most of them seem convinced it's just a psychological problem that could be treated through therapy step by step. I really doubt this but was wondering how others in my position thought about this idea?
My answer: No. However there are many viable work-arounds, medicinal and otherwise, that make "social phobia" a non issue in ones life.
Medicinal: klonopin, ativan, diazapam may "help," but the underlying issue is still there.
Psychotherapy: some have mentioned "cognitive behavioral therapy," where one controls emotions and feelings by recognizing the thoughts that bring these feelings out, and changing one's thinking can change your emotions.
There was a psychiatric thinker, Abraham Maslow, who is behind a lot of that theory.
"Rational Emotive Therapy" is another byproduct of tricking your brain into thinking you can do something you can't.
Any "thinker," other than Descartes, "I think therefore I am ," is, in my opinion, a legend in his own mind, and can spout off any thoughts he/she wants, sell books, whatever.
It is not going to change anything that goes on in your head.
Curable?
No.
but I look at it this way: I do not like social situations. problem solved. I am not ambitious, so I do not need to give that stellar presentation to the board of directors.
I don't even like myself all that much but I know I am allright in this world. The order of the universe will take care of me.
Finally, medicate if you want, or not, but listen to your true self. and honor that being!
God does not make junk, only beauty. Remember that, if you can.
_________________________
goodbye forever
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#629822 - 01/12/08 06:23 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: greyman]
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bdit
Threadhead
Registered: 02/23/07
Posts: 974
Loc: Mid South
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I pretty much have to be forced into social situations, so I'm sure I have some form of social phobia. Like right now, my son wants me to come watch his band play and I would rather stay home and watch TV. He's 29, by the way, and I did my time when they were little - never missed a ballgame, play, etc. Plus, I don't want to be the oldest person at a venue filled with people in their 20's when I'm 49. And it's a 30 mile drive.
I don't like to go to the grocery store and only go when I'm totally out of something or can't get one of the kids to go for me. I HAVE to go to work, and it's getting harder and harder being around those people every day. I'm very thankful for the I-Pod I got for Christmas so I can tune them out. As a computer programmer I could probably find a telecommuting job, but then I would be totally cut off from the world and that would make me more of a hermit.
I've always been very shy until I really get to know someone and have a small group of close friends. I get invited to their parties but rarely go. My mother is like this, and her father was like this as well, and I see a pattern of it getting worse with age like it did with them.
My EAP offers 5 free sessions, so I'm thinking about talking to them about this. I would love to be an extrovert, but we are what we are. I don't know how old you guys are, but I think age has a lot to do with it. I'm tired from working all the time, and I enjoy being alone now that the kids are grown.
Good topic. Maybe I'll take a shower and head to the big city to see the band. Ugh!
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#629843 - 01/12/08 06:57 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: bdit]
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greyman
Enthusiast
Registered: 01/14/07
Posts: 254
Loc: suicide
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I pretty much have to be forced into social situations, so I'm sure I have some form of social phobia. Like right now, my son wants me to come watch his band play and I would rather stay home and watch TV. He's 29, by the way, and I did my time when they were little - never missed a ballgame, play, etc. Plus, I don't want to be the oldest person at a venue filled with people in their 20's when I'm 49. And it's a 30 mile drive.
I don't like to go to the grocery store and only go when I'm totally out of something or can't get one of the kids to go for me. I HAVE to go to work, and it's getting harder and harder being around those people every day. I'm very thankful for the I-Pod I got for Christmas so I can tune them out. As a computer programmer I could probably find a telecommuting job, but then I would be totally cut off from the world and that would make me more of a hermit.
I've always been very shy until I really get to know someone and have a small group of close friends. I get invited to their parties but rarely go. My mother is like this, and her father was like this as well, and I see a pattern of it getting worse with age like it did with them.
My EAP offers 5 free sessions, so I'm thinking about talking to them about this. I would love to be an extrovert, but we are what we are. I don't know how old you guys are, but I think age has a lot to do with it. I'm tired from working all the time, and I enjoy being alone now that the kids are grown.
Good topic. Maybe I'll take a shower and head to the big city to see the band. Ugh!
Sounds like you sorta want to go, so, go!
Maybe you might enjoy it!
But, if not, like if you would rather stay home, honor your own self and be true to your self. No sense faking it. I find that people in general respect a person who stays within himself, is comfortable with who he/she can be, or is.
I would venture to guess that everyone has some form of social phobia, and it may surprise you.
Just remember, people for the most part are worried about their own issues, not yours.
I guess it's why they serve alcohol at parties. The "social lubricant!"
Cheers!
_________________________
goodbye forever
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#629882 - 01/12/08 07:44 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: greyman]
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Holland
Enthusiast
Registered: 12/03/06
Posts: 229
Loc: New England, USA
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Social anxiety disorder and social phobias are different in the treatment recommended. Do you know which category you'd fall into or have you been diagnosed with either one yet? It would help to know more about your situation.
I think that certain types of behavioral therapies can really help. I don't think you can be "counseled out" of a social phobia, but it's like physical therapy when you break a leg, it can help you stand on your own two feet better.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to spend time by yourself, as long as you aren't using excuses to rationalize reclusive behaviors that are affecting important areas of your life. Obviously, someone with an anxiety disorder is going to prefer staying home when faced with an anxiety-provoking situation. The important thing is to stay proactive in general and not fall into a "rut".
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#630103 - 01/13/08 08:11 AM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: Holland]
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greyman
Enthusiast
Registered: 01/14/07
Posts: 254
Loc: suicide
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Social anxiety disorder and social phobias are different in the treatment recommended. Do you know which category you'd fall into or have you been diagnosed with either one yet? It would help to know more about your situation.
I think that certain types of behavioral therapies can really help. I don't think you can be "counseled out" of a social phobia, but it's like physical therapy when you break a leg, it can help you stand on your own two feet better.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to spend time by yourself, as long as you aren't using excuses to rationalize reclusive behaviors that are affecting important areas of your life. Obviously, someone with an anxiety disorder is going to prefer staying home when faced with an anxiety-provoking situation. The important thing is to stay proactive in general and not fall into a "rut".
very good point, I was not really aware of the difference.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, with slight agoraphobia by my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist tells me do "desensitize" my self from the thoughts that may bring a panic attack on. But since his appts. with me are basically just 15 minute med checks, he does not have the time to get too deep, and recommends I see a therapist.
Not making excuses, but that gets expensive to pay someone 75.00/hour (insurance pays some) to listen and try to help.
Last year, I was with a therapist for about eight sessions. She was OK, and it was good to be able to express my feelings and discuss strategies to be more outgoing and not fearful of relationships and all.
I soon got bored with hearing myself talk and I knew what she would say. Soon after she got another job and left the clinic. That ended the therapy sessions.
I must say the sessions helped, gave me some positives to go with, but it hardly "cured" me.
_________________________
goodbye forever
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#633283 - 01/18/08 09:52 AM
Re: I think I figured something out
[Re: genethebean1]
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Holland
Enthusiast
Registered: 12/03/06
Posts: 229
Loc: New England, USA
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Hey Gene,
It's as much a mystery to me as it is to you! Even online, if you try, you can get a decent read off of someone. To me you seem like a really nice, smart and helpful person.
One thing I'd suggest is to ask A LOT of questions. People just love talking about themselves-  and if there's common ground you'll usually find it right away. Also, by talking about themselves and their families, people will be motivated to ask you more about yourself too. I know this sounds blatantly obvious, but it does take some motivation if your more introverted and/or shy. Bring yourself to ask 3 people in your group 5 questions about themselves, and eventually you'll get to know everyone in your group. It's lonely being left out in the cold!
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#633401 - 01/18/08 01:00 PM
Re: I think I figured something out
[Re: Holland]
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genethebean1
GRAND Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 2786
Loc: Winter Wonderland
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Hey Gene,
It's as much a mystery to me as it is to you! Even online, if you try, you can get a decent read off of someone. To me you seem like a really nice, smart and helpful person.
Thanks for the suggestions, Holland - oh and the compliment. I can sure use the "boost" right now.
I think what I should do is try to get to the meeting earlier. I usually arrive just before the meeting starts so I don't really have any time to talk with anyone. Afterwards, people are in a hurry to get home. I'm trying to get involved with some of the committees, so that should help, too. I'll try and post some pics of my quilts.
I can't wait for my shoulder to heal so that I can start sewing again! Winter is such a perfect time to work on sewing projects.
_________________________
CHANGE IS COMING IN 14 DAYS! YIPPEE!!
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#633479 - 01/18/08 03:13 PM
Re: I think I figured something out
[Re: genethebean1]
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Lacey1212
Journeyman
Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 55
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gene...do you sell the quilts that you make online or on ebay? sorry to be "off topic" but I just had to ask
_________________________
Vote....It DOES make a differece! Obama 08'
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#633517 - 01/18/08 03:55 PM
Re: I think I figured something out
[Re: Lacey1212]
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genethebean1
GRAND Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 2786
Loc: Winter Wonderland
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gene...do you sell the quilts that you make online or on ebay? sorry to be "off topic" but I just had to ask
No, I'm way to slow. I just make them for family. Right now I have two wedding quilts and a baby quilt I need to make (for events that already took place) as well as making a quilt for my granddaughter and my son.
_________________________
CHANGE IS COMING IN 14 DAYS! YIPPEE!!
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#633671 - 01/18/08 07:20 PM
Re: I think I figured something out
[Re: genethebean1]
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stressedout
Pooh-Bah
Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 1036
Loc: Lost
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I've been really struggling with trying to understand why I can't seem to connect with others in a group setting. I've been forcing myself to attend meetings of a quilt group that I belong to even though I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time when I am there.
One of the things we do when we meet is have "show and tell" where people bring in projects they have been working on. For this months meeting, everyone was supposed to bring something. So I brought a quilt I made awhile back.
Well, after I got up and showed it, I realized that when I am doing something like this (I've done show and tell several times) I tend to rush through and I don't make eye contact. It's just because I am nervous but do you think this could be part of the reason why people don't approach me?
I googled eye contact and came up with this. Perhaps if you try googling avoiding eye contact in group settings or social anxiety and eye contact you could find articles on why you're avoiding eye contact and how to help yourself in these situations. It's a start, but sometimes for those nights you can't sleep, it'll keep you busy? Plus it would also benefit you. Eye contact is very important. I know I always make it a habit to have eye contact with people I am talking to, it shows that I am listening and am interested in what the other person is saying. People that look away from me when speaking or seem nervous make me feel like they do not want to talk to me or are trying to avoid me. (This is only how I feel, I can't speak for other people. Perhaps others on this group can say how they feel when people avoid eye contact so you'll have a better understanding of why it's so important?)
"Eye contact is an important aspect of social interaction, and it is something that many shy and socially anxious people have difficulty with. Often people with social anxiety describe looking someone in the eyes as anxiety-provoking and uncomfortable. This is likely due, in part, to genetic wiring -- studies have shown that people diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (SAD) have a stronger fear response than others. If you have SAD, the part of your brain that warns you of danger can be set off by something as simple as the gaze of a stranger.
Fortunately, with proper treatment including cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or medication, most people with SAD can learn to overcome this fear response and maintain better eye contact -- a key aspect of effective communication with others.
Communications expert Robert Graham offers training in delivering presentations, and one of his tips for good eye contact can be translated into conversational settings when speaking to more than one person:
When speaking to a group of people, instead of thinking of the group as a whole, imagine that you are having individual conversations with one person in the group at a time.
As you speak, choose one person in the group and pretend that you are talking just with that person. Look at him as you finish your thought or sentence. As you begin a new sentence or idea, choose another person in the group and look her in the eye as you finish your thought. Make sure that you eventually include everyone in the group.
What if looking someone in the eye is still too difficult? Choose a spot directly between or slightly above the listener’s eyes. If this doesn’t feel comfortable, try letting your eyes go slightly out of focus. This has the added benefit of softening and relaxing your gaze. Staring too intensely will turn people off and make them uncomfortable.
By employing some of these strategies for good eye contact, you will make your listeners feel more connected and increase the likelihood that you will feel more comfortable when speaking to a group of people."
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#635838 - 01/22/08 02:50 PM
Re: Do you think social phobia is cureable?
[Re: genethebean1]
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smacxx
Stranger
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 1
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hi there, i used to suffer from extreme anxiety..hellish i know it, no not just hellish, more than that... disablitating, horrible, incomprehisble to others, a living nightmare, like having a phobia of snakes and living in a box of them 24hrs a day... i know it from the bottom of my heart, but please believe me in this day and age medication serves as a easy solution, but not a cure..you may wonder what i'm doing on this forum of medication, i understand it but believe me if you want to live a normal life like those around you without fear, please take my advise..i suffered hell on earth like many on this forum until i searched for alterative means of help, there i found charles linden a man who has gone through more than i can imagine, i strongly advise you to google his name, and if you really in the bottom of heart want to be well again, listen understand and be well...in spain we say 'un brazo' it's like 'a cuddle' the answer's with you, not medications, although i understand very much that a little relief is great, but not the solution my friend..take care and live life to the full
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Moderator: Melody, Heidi
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I'm so insecure - I'm always second guessing myself after I post something. You're very sweet!
